Crush
by Michelle Birkby
Summary: HC....Horatio and Calleigh have to deal with their crushes, and find the truth
1. Horatio

HORATIO

The minute I realised exactly why she wouldn't be free beyond Friday, I felt as though I'd been kicked in the stomach. It was a struggle to catch my breath, to hold on to my dignity, for just a moment longer. She never noticed. I doubt she has ever noticed the way I am in her presence. My uncertainty, my doubt. My longing. And if she ever did notice, and reciprocate, then it has all gone now, with a lie I am happy to perpetuate to preserve my dead brother's honour in her eyes. I will not say that there has never been moments when I have not wanted to tell her, to wipe the stain from my character, but I will never blacken Raymond's memory.

So I lose her. I lose that moment just before I see her when I stop, and take a deep breath to face her. I lose the way I feel around her, like a schoolboy around the most beautiful teacher in school. I lose the turbulence she engenders in me, and that is good, because the last thing a CSI needs is lack of control.

Sometimes, when I am with her, I miss the peace I find with...with others I know.

I really have to get over this crush.


	2. Calleigh

CALLEIGH

He's already there, in the lab, and I take a moment to gather myself before I walk in there. Because I know, as soon as I do, he'll turn to me, and say my name. 'Calleigh'. And his voice will feel like being caressed by velvet, and I will shiver, just a little, a tingle down my spine. And he will look at me, right in the eyes, and I know he looks at almost no-one else like that, and I'll be able to see right into those blue depths, so like the ocean he watches every evening. And while one part of me tells him about the bullet, about the crime, another part of me will want to reach up, and gently, stroke his cheek, just once, with all those tenderness I can give him.

Because sometimes, when I look into his eyes, I see an empty bleakness. Especially lately. And I desperately want to pull him to me and try to chase away that bleakness. And I know I can't because, if I ever did, he'd very gently push me away, and tell me, in his very softest voice, the one that breaks my heart, that this is inappropriate.

Even I can see he loves Yelina. And much as I wish he didn't, as much as I know she is all wrong for him, I cannot tell him how to live his life. So, I'll push all those feelings for him right down into a tiny ball inside, and hide them with a bright smile and a southern charm, as I learned to do years ago, at my daddy's knee.

But, its getting harder and harder to do that. And impossible to be his friend, and not be in love with him.

But I will not stop being his friend, beside his side, whether he knows I'm there or not. He needs friends, and doesn't have that many. I won't force him to lose me by my inappropriate behaviour.

I really must get over this crush.


	3. Together

TOGETHER

He stood on the beach, staring into the ocean, again. Sometimes, it was the only time he found peace. Staring into that huge vast blueness. So huge that he, and his problems, seemed tiny beside it. He could die, they all could die, and suffer, and the ocean would roll on, aloof, untameable, forever.

"You ok?"

He smiled, involuntarily, unaware, or rather, not acknowledging, the flash of pleasure her voice spread through him.

"I'm fine, Calleigh." He said, turning to look at her. He thought he saw her shiver her a moment. "I'll be along in a minute"

"Oh, no rush. Just wanted to check you were fine, that's all." She said, smiling again. He'd looked so lonely, out here, staring at the sea. Whenever she saw him like this, she wanted to go over to him, rescue him, assure him he wasn't alone. He never would be alone, if she had anything to do with it. She would always be by her side, whether he saw her there or not. But she could never find the words to tell him.

And she knew why he was lonely today. She'd spent a lot of time with Yelina, on that last case, and she, much to Calleigh's surprise, opened up to her.

Horatio felt Calleigh shift slightly, prepared to ask him something. If it had been anybody else, he would have felt uncomfortable, invaded. The moment would have been awkward, and he would have walked away, leaving the ocean to itself, and forgoing his peace. But, to his surprise, Calleigh didn't disturb him.

Not that way, at least. Many things about Calleigh disturbed him. Her beauty. Her intellect. Her smile. Her taste in boyfriends. But not Calleigh herself. With her was only peace.

"Can I ask you something personal?" Calleigh asked, moving to his side. He looked down at her, and removed his sunglasses. Her hair was loose, and the sunlight was tangled in it, and she took his breath away, not just because of her physical beauty, but because of her soul so clear in her eyes, and he realised he had never been struck by anything but Yelina's looks. He didn't think he'd ever seen a feeling deeper then the surface in Yelina's eyes.

"Of course." He told her.

"Why didn't you tell Yelina Madison wasn't yours?"

He drew breath sharply. That hadn't been the question he had been prepared to answer.

"I mean, if it's not intruding, but I know you care for Yelina, and she said, because of the child, but...." Her voice trailed away, as he gazed down at her.

"I do care for Yelina." He said, and his voice sunk her like a stone. "But not in the way you think. She is my sister, and I will not sully my brother's name."

"Well, it's your choice, and of course, I see why. I really do, but..." Calleigh didn't know why she just didn't shut up and go away. This was way beyond the boundaries of their relationship. But his eyes held her there, and she wanted to know, wanted to know so much it ached inside her.

"I don't love Yelina." He said, sharply. "Perhaps I thought I did. But what I loved was the idea of a family." He was staring out to sea again, his sunglasses turned over and over in his hands. "I loved the idea of a wife, and a child, and a home, and Yelina personified all that. But you know what, Calleigh?" he said, as if discovering something for himself for the very first time. "Families are what you alone create, you cannot just choose one to be part of."

He glanced back down at her. Now she stared out to sea, following his gaze, turning his words over in his head.

"Calleigh." He asked, and she turned to him, smiling, as always. "How did you know Madison is not my daughter?"

"Oh...right. It's what you said that day in the lab? When I said families were hard sometimes? And you said it was harder not having any? You wouldn't have said that if you had a child. That's all."

Horatio smiled to himself. Calleigh had this habit of seeing through everything, every lie, every obfuscation, everything, right through to the very heart of things. Yelina had spent hours with him, and never seen the truth about him and his child. One throwaway remark to Calleigh, and she had known everything.

"Very clever." He praised, and she blushed a little.

"Not just a dumb blonde." She teased.

"I never thought of you as one." He said.

"Then what do you think of me as?" she asked, suddenly, surprising herself. She hadn't meant to ask that question. She hadn't meant to have this conversation at all. She had only meant to coax him out of his dark mood, and back to the lab. She didn't know when things had become this personal. And she wasn't sure what the answer would be, and dreaded to hear it. but she couldn't move. Not now.

Horatio stared down at her. What was Calleigh?

His colleague?

His friend?

His ballistics' expert?

His light?

His lover?

His weakness?

His mistake?

His truth?

He reached out a hand to her, running his fingers though the golden hair, blowing and tossed in the wind.

"You, Calleigh Duquesne," he said, in the soft voice that set her spine shivering. "you, are my future."

She only had to look in his eyes for a moment. She saw what she wanted to see. What she had seen before, but doubted. Standing on tip-toe, she wrapped his arms round his neck, and finally, at long last, kissed him.

The kiss sealed it, for both of them. This was no crush. This...this was wondrous, difficult, glorious, awkward, amazing, enthralling, all-consuming, love.

THE END


End file.
